When you think of the double yellow arches, and maybe the ensuing double waist sizes, only one fast-food staple comes to mind: McDonald’s. What about McDonald’s makes it the best? Is it their trademark arches? Their ubiquitous locations? Or, does it all come down to their unparalleled cuisine?  We set out to answer these questions and discover the ins and outs of the most popular fast-food restaurant in America.

We (my team of super-tasters and I) started off by determining our locations: Peters, Bethel Park, and Mt. Lebanon. We then entered the realm of greasy food and carbonated drinks. At each stop we ordered the same meal: a 4-piece Chicken McNuggets, a Big Mac, a Yogurt Parfait, and a Shamrock Shake. We evaluated each McDonald’s based on service, taste, and cleanliness.

Our first stop was in Peters. We walked into this McDonald’s excited, because food. We were still driven by pure, animal hunger at this point.  The atmosphere of this McDonalds was lovely. With an updated interior and multiple flat screen tv’s, this particular restaurant would be the perfect place for a nice romantic dinner with that special someone. Our only complaint on uncleanliness was that the floors needed to be cleaned ASAP. The wait was the shortest, but, unfortunately, the employees were also the rudest. We felt judged for asking for BBQ and ranch– a totally normal request. The food at this stop was average. The McNuggets were satisfying because of how hungry we were, but they weren’t anything special. The Big Mac was slightly dry, but nothing a little BBQ couldn’t fix. The Parfait was on the smaller side, while the Shamrock Shake was thick. Overall, we left the McDonald’s with positive feelings.

The next stop was in Bethel. The atmosphere in this McDonalds was horrible. We walked in and got hit with a cloud of muskiness– a byproduct of the mass amounts of grease being produced. Additionally, it seemed as if the whole population of Bethel Park 5th graders were hanging out here. At McDonalds I want to sit back and relax, not be accosted with a hoard of 11 year-olds. Unlike the last McDonald’s, this one didn’t have any of the updates like cushy chairs or flat screen televisions. The wait at this stop was long, but the food was worth the wait. The nuggets were juicy, the Big Mac was saucy, and the Yogurt Parfait was bigger.  To our extreme delight, upon opening our box of McNuggets we discovered a fifth bonus nug, which became the highlight of our day! The Shamrock Shake we drank here was also has the best consistency: not too thick, but not too thin. This McDonald’s had the best food, but not the best atmosphere.

Our third and last stop was in Mt. Lebanon. At this point our hunger was sated and we no longer wanted to sit in uncomfortable chairs and eat mass amounts of greasy food, but nonetheless we trudged on…and in. We had to wait the longest at this restaurant. The employee attempting to help us tried, but didn’t succeed.  Maybe she was at the end of a long shift or maybe our tongues were weighed down by our previous feasts, but we had a hard time understanding her and she had a hard time understanding us. The only word to describe the interior of the restaurant is: nasty. Something about the stickiness of the floor and the repulsive bathrooms really turned us off. Luckily, the restaurant wasn’t engulfed in a cloud of grease. This restaurant also had the worst food. The nuggets were dry and yogurt tasted a little like plastic. Both the Big Mac and Shamrock Shake were decent. I think from the moment we stepped into this McDonald’s we were biased because we weren’t hungry or in the mood for any more greasy food, but I’m still going with my claim that the McDonald’s in Mt. Lebo was the worst of all three restaurants.

Crawling out of the last McDonald’s, we reflected on our journey. It was a road of ups and downs. The best of times and…well, you get it.  The positive takeaway from our journey was the shared joy of fast-food among our crew of friends and food critics; the negative takeaway was the five pounds we gained after eating at three McDonald’s in one afternoon. The experience ended with both tears of joy and pain in our eyes. I am not using hyperbole here.  I had actual tears of pain from the swelling heartburn I experienced when attempting to reverse the effects of McDonald’s later that evening at the gym. A word of advice: If you ever find yourself dining at three McDonald’s in the course of several hours, go to the gym ASAP.  It will hurt, but not nearly as much as the shame you’ll feel if you don’t go.  Like all life’s pleasures, McDonald’s is best enjoyed in moderation– no matter which local option you choose.