I am officially declaring a state of emergency.  While everything may look fine and dandy within the prestigious walls of Upper St. Clair High School, one of the worst epidemics known to student and faculty alike is currently upon us. Now, what is this terrible tragedy, you may ask? Well, fellow Panther-fans, let me take you on a journey. Come with me as we traverse the newly colored hallways and climb up the steps on our way to the watering hole in the jungle known as Pantherland: Welcome to the Nutrition Center (i.e. the cafeteria).

Each and every line provides an assorted array of delectable entrees, but one staple remains constant throughout every meal: the potato. This magnificent crop comes in two different forms: tater-tots or french fries. It is common knowledge every meal comes equipped with one of these sides.  The true injustice lies for those who pack their own lunch. While a nice sandwich and CapriSun, packed with care by mom, is a lovely meal, it sometimes does not satisfy the hungry highschooler.

Anytime a student goes up to a lunch line and only orders a side of fries, they leave with a smile on their face and potatoes in hand; however, when the same student tries to only order a side of tots, they are denied. For some reason, a sole order of tots has been banned from the school, only leaving us with a tray full of disappointment. This needs to change immediately. For tater-tots are the most famous school food, and student meals at Upper St. Clair should be endowed with the inalienable right of tots for all.

Yes, it is a scourge of our age that tots can no longer be ordered on their own, but the real tragedy is one that freshmen and sophomores cannot even comprehend: the ban on curley fries. Every senior and junior who buys lunch can recall those days when everything just seemed to be going wrong, but the promise of curley fries was a beacon of hope. But, unfortunately, two years ago the last curley fry was consumed in Upper St. Clair High School. How can we state that we are a school of excellence when we don’t even consume the potato in its finest form?

For those of you who have not had the pleasure of experiencing the high school curley fry, just imagine finding a leprechaun’s treasure, but when you open up the chest it is oozing with curly fries. After picking up a handful and plopping them into your mouth, you experience an eruption of flavor in your mouth that can only be appropriately chased by a swig of chocolate milk. This celestial sensation has been lacking from our cafeteria for far too long.

So I ask you, please help spread awareness to bring back the potato to its full potential. Together, we can restore this high school to its former glory.  In this election season, rise up and make your voices heard: We Want Curley!